guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
