I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
