You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
