why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
