Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
