Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
