You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
