I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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