I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
