I'm jealous of your bromance
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
