my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
