Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
