I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
