her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
