I want to have your abortion
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
