Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
