honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm like, not good at living.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
