I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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