Christians are straight up FREAKS
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
