You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
