Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
