My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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