i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need a beard to bite.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
