All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
