Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
