stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
