we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hippo gnu deer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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