My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
