Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want to make out with him forever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
