it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
