is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
