Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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