happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
