We won't sleep together?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
