someone get that fucking seahorse.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
