On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There are leaves in my underwear?
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