Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
