just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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