You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
