she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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