Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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