I CAN MOONWALK!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
