I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
