my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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