and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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