we have officially lost it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
