I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
