Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
