Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
