Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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