Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
