so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
