that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
