I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
