A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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