You work out of a Hotel?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
