help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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