dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
