I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
