Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
