I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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