1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
