I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want to be your penis for a week.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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