We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
