Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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