All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
