you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I want is dick and wine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
