i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just forgot I was standing up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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