dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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