she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
